Growing Pains and Transformation with Spirits

    

Personal Drawing of Gaylas-Labios

    I posted my last article in June about my experiences with the Goetia and how I had to overcome my bias and fear-based beliefs about the Spirits. Since then, I have conjured other Beings from Ars Goetia and have had transformative results. Communicating with these Spirits made me realize I was not pulling creatures from hell, but aligning myself with their knowledge. They are elemental intelligences that dwell within the surface of existence. They are among the shadows not of punishment but as a function to balance the world. As a magician, you are the conductor between the shadows and the divine cosmos. Everything has a shadow except for the heart-center; that is what is given to humankind— our hearts are the bridge between the Earth and the Divine. 

    Flauros was a fascinating Being to summon. While I studied the sigils of the seventy-two, I fell into a trance when I landed on Flauros’ symbol. I began to research more about the flaming jaguar Spirit and decided to prepare for a meeting with him. I began the rite with the opening of Sorcery of Hekate, as the incense filled the room, I took a breath and called upon Flauros. At first, it was deafeningly quiet, not even the candle flame made a noise. Through my third eye in the Astral Realm, I saw nothing but pitch-black void. Suddenly, there were two yellow glimmers in the distance, mimicking cat eyes watching from the shadows— then the room erupted in flames. In the walls of fire, a roaring jaguar emerged from the inferno. I was shocked at the intensity but also the clarity of this vision. I snapped back into my physical body, and after a few deep breaths, I was grounded enough to ask the questions I had for the Spirit. Flauros changed forms after I centered myself; he appeared as a humanoid with the face of a jaguar wearing a purple cloak. As I proceeded with the conversation with Flauros, he spoke through me with a gravelly voice. My tone had changed to a ferocious, primal tongue that was unnerving and frankly— I am glad I was home alone for this operation. Flauros answered and delivered on my requests and showed me incredible insights to the world and my own psyche. 

    In my post, My First Experience with the Goetia, I discussed my initial conjuration of Bune and Adromalius. Bune was incredibly playful; his trickster cunning nature left an impression while Adromalius was firm and stark. They delivered on what I asked for assistance on and continued to show their influence even after the conjuration. For better and for challenges for me to overcome, especially Adromalius. Now, I am a stubborn person. I have a feisty personality, am ambitious, and my determination in life fostered my reliance. While these traits have their positives, there are also negatives to that as well. My partner has expressed his frustration that my unyielding nature makes it difficult to communicate on occasion, that sometimes he feels unheard in his perspective. This isn’t helpful for a partnership and I am working on making sure that I am open to hearing various perspectives, especially his because I value him and his experience. 

    These qualities, as well as my ‘chaotic good’ ideologies, presented obstacles to working with Adromalius. It has been difficult watching the state of the world and how prevalent government corruption is. In general, I have had issues with authority for many years. I have seen people use their power to dominate and harm others rather than uphold justice. Part of this was I found rules to be controlling, my maternal caregiver worked in politics and used fear mongering to keep me in her grasp. A previous romantic partner I had also did this; it isolated me from people that truly cared about my well-being.  Basically, my mother was like Mother Gothel from Tangled. The writers of that movie certainly had experience with narcissistic parents. When Rapunzel realizes the gaslighting she's been through and says to Mother Gothel, “I’ve spent my entire life hiding from people who would use my power when I should have been hiding from you.” It was a sad reminder of my own experience with my parental figure and my long-term young adult relationship. 

    Summoning Andromalius for my situation invited him into my sphere. Something to keep in mind— the rite does not end after the closing or the result of the request, the ripples of transformation continue to persist long after the ceremony concludes. While my political enemies were being held accountable, I was also being held to a higher standard in terms of following rules. I never had the thought process, ‘rules are made to be broken', though I have found certain policies arbitrary and/or that people use for their own benefit to gain power. My work started observing my behavior more ensuring I was following procedures intensely after my introduction with Adromalius. While this was frustrating, it was a lesson to be learned—no one is above the law, even magicians. For a while, it did make me bitter, because there have been plenty of other people who broke rules but it felt like I was the only one getting singled out. Hypocrisy is something I cannot stand, I expect everyone to be held to the same standard. Then the anger that the US administration is on fire and that wealthy individuals can evade consequences but then there I was, getting reprimanded for a minor infraction in my government position. “No gift from the infernal is without shadow, payment isn't a coin but a shift of fate, character and destiny.” (Palmer, page 74)

    Andromalius follows the law to absolute conviction; he is reliable in that regard. It forced me to look at my behavior and redirect my fire. There is also incredible value in structure and maintaining order. While I was working out and meditating on his sigil, I heard him say, "Aggression with direction is precision.” When you are fighting a corrupt system by cutting corners or ignoring minor procedures, you give that system the exact ammunition it needs to suppress you. Adromalius forced me to follow procedures perfectly, so I didn’t give anyone else leverage against me. When you are beyond reproach on paper, enemies lose the upper hand. That is how you turn a fire into a laser beam.