Alchemizing Ancestor Lineage: You Are You

(Artwork by Delaney Marie Designs)

Alchemizing Ancestor Lineage: You Are Still You

I’m getting closer to my thirties now, and it’s been a wild journey. Emerging from my turbulent adolescence into the process of becoming who I truly am—my own sovereign individual—has been a diamond-in-the-rough passage. When I look in the mirror, I see a strong, fierce, vibrant woman, and I am so incredibly proud of her.

However, when certain Parts of myself become activated and I need to un-blend them from my Self, I sometimes see my maternal caregiver staring back at me—or, more recently, my eldest sibling. This can be unnerving, as for many years my goal was to never be anything like them. I spent much of my early twenties, especially around alcohol, trying to avoid any resemblance to “them.” Seeing traces of them in my physical appearance was jarring. My saving grace was that I had my father’s eyes and scars on my body that were not from some of my abusers.

I spoke about this with a friend and showed her pictures of my sibling. I said, “I look like the living brother more than the dead one nowadays.” She replied, “Living or dead, it’s fine! I think you look like you.” I was taken aback. I had never considered that possibility—that perhaps I am simply me, with elements of my lineage, sure, but ultimately still me. It reminded me of the video game Undertale and the line: “Despite everything, it’s still you.”

This morning, I watched an Instagram reel about the anime My Hero Academia. Anime holds a special place in my heart—it has always helped make difficult topics more palatable through its art style, and it often carries spiritual undertones that resonate deeply with me. The creator, Kenneth Hope Engineer, discussed how the character Shoto Todoroki refused to use the fire side of his power because it came from his father. He built his entire identity around his ice side, inherited from his mother.

That made me reflect on my own story. For many years, I struggled to embrace my femininity. My maternal caregiver and my older sibling both carried a fierce, charismatic energy that often felt overbearing and harmful. I would avoid their eye contact because it felt harsh—like burning coals crackling, and if you looked too long, you’d get burned too.

During a fight scene, when Shoto tells the main character, Deku, that he won’t use his fire because it’s his father’s power, Deku screams back, “Well, it’s your power, isn’t it?”

Shoto pauses, and the realization hits him—he isn’t his father. He is himself.

He then fights Deku with the full strength of all his abilities, whole within himself. It reminded me of a passage from Slow Magic by Anthony Rella, where he writes about his martial arts practice. He had been rigid because he feared losing control and hurting others:

“Control arrested power within me to prevent it from exploding and causing harm. I’d never considered that power and control could support each other. To my surprise, bringing more intensity into my attacks created more safety for myself and others.” (Rella, p. 196)

This, to me, mirrors the symbolism in the Tree of Life: Hod—meaning “power” and associated with Mercury—balances with Netzach, the Venusian element of “passion.” Together, they represent the harmony of intellect and emotion, truth and desire. It’s this integration that roots us in trust and self-belief. I can trust myself to embrace all parts of who I am and use them with discernment. I am myself—not my ancestors, not my family.

It reminds me of the prayer you state as you wash a stone the represents your ancestor line. The stone is called a Fever Stone and the technique is created by Aidan Wachter:

Ailment of my ancestors

 I wash you clean

 That you afflict no more

 Any of my line.

 Your time is done

 You no longer cause harm.

 By water and sun I wash you clean.

 May all my lines be blessed—

 Blood and Spirit—

 The wounds of the past

 Washed clean by the Sea.

When you look directly at what your family has done, accept it, and purify it, you reclaim your sovereignty. You become free to live as your true Self. As I told my father once, it is harmful to ignore what happened. There is peace in calling like it is. What happened was horrible. Now I can change the direction of the course empowered because I see with clarity.  

The fear that both Shoto and Rella describe is one I have felt for years. I didn’t want to embrace my anger because I was terrified of losing control and hurting those I love. My anger came from my maternal line; I had seen the damage it caused. But I never realized that my anger was actually passion—passion for justice, for advocating for others and myself, for doing what’s right.

For so long, I saw my fire as “making a situation about myself,” when in reality, I was amplifying the voices of those who needed support. What I once viewed as “instigating”—something my mother did to dominate others—I now understand as the drive to connect people, stand up for myself, and strengthen community.

What comes through my lineage isn’t inherently theirs. It’s energy—neutral, powerful, and malleable. And I have the ability to transmute it—to make my own imprint on the world with the unique signature of my own power.

I love who I am. I love the skills I’ve inherited from both sides of my family. I see how they can create harm and also heal. The same plant that offers medicine can also carry poison.

For example, pokeweed’s young shoots and leaves must be boiled—alchemized—multiple times to become safe for consumption in dishes like “poke salad” and in certain folk remedies. Yet every part of the raw pokeweed plant is toxic. Consuming the berries, especially when they’re still green, can cause severe gastrointestinal distress, vomiting, cramping, and low blood pressure. It is about balance.

My father’s passivity once created an enabling environment that allowed my mother’s abuse to continue. Now, with discernment, I’ve learned to transmute that passivity into mercy—into offering second chances to those who truly deserve them.

I love all parts of myself, for they are wholly my own. That is my power.

On this day of Venus, may you embrace your wholeness, love yourself deeply, and rest in peace with your own inner power.