Reclaiming Wholeness: My Journey with the Holy Guardian Angel
Over the past few months, I’ve been deepening my relationship with my Holy Guardian Angel (HGA), a journey that has unfolded in ways I couldn’t have anticipated. This sacred connection has brought profound healing, spiritual clarity, and a greater understanding of who I truly am beneath the layers of identity, expectation, and performance.
As part of this path, I’ve immersed myself in spiritual study and practice. I recently completed Discovering Your Personal Daimon by Cat Rose Neligan and Your Guardian Angel and You by Denny Sargent two deeply insightful books that offered language and structure to what I had already begun feeling. Daily, I light candles to honor my HGA and the planetary ruler of the day. I meditate several times throughout the day, often in silence, often in conversation with the unseen. This commitment has opened doors within me and realigned my life with my True Will.
One particularly powerful moment came before I made the decision to end a romantic relationship. I laid down to rest and I had a dream where I rose from the ground and transformed into an angel, ascending and merging with a radiant beam of light. It was a clear message from my HGA: this relationship was misaligned with my divine path. To choose myself was to choose the light. That dream inspired my last article and the accompanying meditation exercise.
Afterward, I began to reflect on the many times throughout my life where I had been nudged, sometimes gently, sometimes forcefully, by what I now recognize as my Angel. These messages came when I was about to make a decision that didn’t serve me or when I strayed from my integrity or my purpose. Whether it was a relationship, a job, or even just being in the wrong place, I could feel the subtle pull to course-correct.
Not all interventions have been so dramatic. A few months ago, I began to notice signs around my caffeine use. I have ADHD and, for years, used coffee as a form of self-medication. One day, my roommate casually suggested I try decaf. Moments later, they opened a crossword puzzle and the word 'decaf' appeared. At the same time, I glanced at my phone and my self-care app had a cartoon bird holding a coffee cup. I felt so called out in a humorous and oddly loving way. That’s when I realized: Angels have a sense of humor, too. Since then, I’ve started switching to decaf for my second or third cup, and I feel more attuned to my body’s actual needs.
This journey has also involved deep emotional and spiritual healing. Through Aidan Wachter’s Weaving the Fate, I began practicing Corridor Work, returning to painful memories with my HGA at my side, rewriting the story in a way that empowers rather than diminishes me. In these moments, I see my higher self intervene, standing in protection of the younger version of me. It echoes my IFS (Internal Family Systems) therapy work and reparenting practices. Together, these approaches have changed my life.
One of the most profound aspects of this spiritual unfolding has been the stripping away of identity. During a recent meditation, my HGA began to work on my body energetically. They placed a hand over my solar plexus, then moved down to my ovaries and root chakra. I watched and felt as their hand reached into my body not painfully, but with profound gentleness and removed the energetic essence of my ovaries.
I was told: "You are not defined by your womanhood. You are more than the role of “female.” You are whole on your own. You are not just what you give."
As a cis-woman with a history of chronic ovarian cysts and someone who was told from a young age that a woman’s worth is rooted in motherhood this moment was revolutionary. It helped me reclaim parts of myself I didn’t even realize I had given away.
This experience inspired an identity release ritual. I wrote down all the roles I inhabit: Sister, Artist, Nonprofit Worker, Daughter, Granddaughter, Partner, Magician, Aunt. I crossed each one out, writing how each identity made me feel. Some of them were incredibly painful to cross out. I have been an artist my entire life and I cherish being an aunt. That attachment to those aspects is still not my core essence though. It reminded me that I am still me, even without any of these labels. I am still worthy. We all are. Our value does not lie in how we serve others or what titles we hold.
Later on, I did a meditation after praying to my HGA and to Saturn, asking for help releasing old contracts and emotional attachments that no longer served me. I lit a candle and entered into trance.
I found myself in a vast pool of holy water. In the sky above, names and identities were written on parchment: my parents, my lovers, my siblings, the roles I’ve played. One by one, each piece of paper caught fire. The ashes blew into the water. The water absorbed them. Then, the Earth drank that water and used it to nourish lilies.
And in that moment, I remembered: I am not defined by my connections to others. I am sovereign. I am whole.
When I returned from the trance, I whispered aloud, “Not again.”
I knew what I meant: I will not forget myself again. I will not abandon my soul for someone else’s version of me.
This blog post and the accompanying meditation ritual come from that revelation. I share them with the hope that it may help you connect with your own Holy Guardian Angel or divine self, and to remember: you are not what you do, who you serve, or the roles you fill. You are you. And that is sacred.
A Ritual of Release and Reclamation
You will need a bowl of water, a candle, a lighter, items that represent Saturn and your HGA. On the Day of Saturn start by clearing the ritual space. Next, use your finger to trace a clockwise circle around the space you just cleared. Starting in the east, visualize the air swirling around you and point while saying:
"Come, element of air, attend and empower this circle.”
Continue moving clockwise to the south, picturing crackling fire surrounding you as you declare:
“Come, element of fire, attend and empower this circle.”
As you turn to the west, imagine water flowing around you and say:
“Come, element of water, and empower this circle.”
Finally, when you face north, envision the wild energy of the earth and proclaim:
“Come, element of earth, and empower this circle.”
Complete the process by bringing your finger back to the east.
Take a deep breath and state:
By Earth, the Body of the Divine
By Water, their flowing blood
By Air, the breath of the Divine
By Fire, their burning soul
My Holy Guardian Angel come and attend this working as an extension of myself of the divine.
Oh Saturn, Keeper of Time and Sacred Limits,
You who govern endings, structure, and the forging of wisdom through fire,
I come to you now not in fear, but in reverence.
Guide me in releasing what has already served its teaching.
Let what is finished, be finished.
Let what is bound in pain , be undone.
Beloved Guardian of my soul , my Holy Guardian Angel,
You who walk with me in stillness and storm,
Stand beside me now as I reclaim my voice, my power, and my heart.
Help me cut the cords that drain me —
The invisible threads tied to past versions of myself,
To those who fed on my longing but never truly saw me,
To those who withheld presence while I gave everything,
And to beliefs that told me I must prove my worth through suffering.
By Saturn’s ring and your wings of light,
I now call back my emotional energy from every place it was left unseen,
From every conversation where I silenced my truth,
From every night I ached to be held and was met with absence.
I dissolve contracts made in desperation.
I sever soul ties rooted in shame.
I release the version of me who waited to be chosen
By those who never truly listened.
I choose myself now.
I choose relationships that are mutual.
I choose partners who do not need to be begged to care.
Saturn, grant me the strength to keep this sacred boundary.
Holy Guardian Angel, keep my heart soft and sovereign.
Let me remember:
Letting go is not loss, it is liberation.
So let it be.
Light the candle. Then lay down somewhere comfortable for this meditation.
Close your eyes. Take a few deep breaths.
Picture yourself standing at the edge of a sacred pool, glowing with celestial light. The sky above you is vast and full of stars. You are safe here. Supported. Watched over.
You step into the water. It’s warm and alive — a womb of memory, a mirror of your soul. You float in the water effortlessly.
Appearing in the sky are strips of paper. On each one is written a connection you’ve held in your life — identities shaped through others. Roles. Expectations. Stories. One’s you have stated about yourself and what others have said about you.
Let the names come to you, one by one:
“(Name)’s child”
“(Name)’s partner”
“(Name)’s sibling”
“(Name)’s friend”
...any titles or ties that feel heavy, outdated, or that have defined you more than you define yourself.
Watch as flames ignite and burn the scrolls one by one in transformation.
Then let the ashes fall into the pool. The air carries them softly as they descend.
With every release, feel yourself grow lighter.
Keep going until all the papers are gone.
Let the ashes dissolve completely. The water absorbs them and becomes luminous, reflecting you back clearly — not as a role, but as a soul.
The banks of the pond feel the ripples. The water nourishes the earth and is reclaimed.
Let your guide or angel appear. Feel their presence — no distance, no separation. They do not speak. They simply see you.
You are not your connections.
You are whole.
You are light.
You are enough.
Let that knowing settle into your body.
Say it to yourself:
“I am not someone else’s echo.
I am my own whole song.”
“I release who I was taught to be.
I remember who I truly am.”
“I belong to myself.”
Breathe in. Let the water cleanse you. Feel the light of the heavens enter every cell of your body.
When you are ready, step out of the pool — renewed. Reclaimed. Realigned.
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